Sunday, March 15, 2009

Top Yacht: Cross Channel Race, Part 1

Credits, Top Yacht intro music

INT: Top Yacht studio, usual three presenters, studio audience, various boats hanging behind etc

Clarkson: Good evening and welcome to Top Yacht! Tonight we start with some viewer's letters

Hammond (holding a letter): Actually just the one letter, but it was a good one. A mister T. Man wanted to know why we spent our time blowing up J101's and drooling over Volvo 70s, rather than real world sailing.

May: You know, such as what would be a good boat to sail across the Channel, or a safe family dinghy.

Hammond: And we were really up for doing a proper, sensible, report into that. But alas the letter was opened by.... guess who?

Hammond and May point at Clarkson who shrugs his shoulders. The audience laughs.

Clarkson (raising his hands): Wait, wait. I know what you thinking, but for once I listened to our viewers needs, and decided what we needed to do is have one of our Top Yacht Races!

The audience cheers.

Clarkson: But of course we didn't want just do one of those standard RORC style across the Channel to Cherboug with IRC rules race, so we decided ...

Hammond (interupting): You mean "you decided"

Clarkson: If I can just finish! So I wondered, what would be the quickest across the Channel, a yacht or a dinghy?

May: I see, so you wanted to race some light weight skiffs like the 49ers against an equivalent form of racing yacht? That actually would be quite interesting.

Clarkson: No, what I wanted to do is race one of the latest Class 40 yachts against this old Wayfarer.

He indicates to a very old and heavy wood built Wayfarer dinghy.

Hammond: That old thing? It hasn't a chance!

Clarkson: What if I could tell you I could get that Wayfarer up to a hundred miles per hour?

May: Not rocket powered sailing again!

Clarkson: No.

Hammond: You haven't been smoking those "special" cigarettes have you?

Clarkson: No, think about it....

Cut to: EXT, Folkstone harbour. All three are sitting on a Class 40 moored along with the Wayfarer against a bright yellow buoy.

Clarkson: So here we are in Folkstone, its a lovely day, 10 - 15 knots of wind from south west and Calais is about 26 nautical miles that way.

He points out to sea: its ESE if you're interested.

Clarkson: I'm going to sail over to Calais in this typical every day yacht ...

Hammond (interrupting): Its only typical if you're an offshore single handed sailor

Clarkson: ... and you're going to race me in that dinghy.

May: But how?

Hammond: Aaahh! I've just had an idea. We don't have to sail all the way do we?

Clarkson: No

Hammond: Now this is interesting.

May: I don't follow

Hammond: There is another way to Calais. We go under the Channel.

Clarkson: That's right. While I hoist my sails and head out to sea, you head off in the opposite direction, load the dinghy onto the trailor, and drive to the Eurotunnel terminal.

Hammond: Where we zoom along at about a hundred miles an hour or something to Calais, drive to the port, unload the dinghy and see which of us gets there first.

Clarkson: Exactly. First one to moor up to a buoy in Calais harbour wins.

May and Hammond: You're on!

Advert break! So who do you think will win this Top Yacht race! You'll have to keep watching to find out......