Friends, I am here because I am mad!
In a few days time three hundred million people will celebrate the defeat of Britain! Can you imagine it - actually having parties and letting off fireworks on what should be a day of quiet reflection. So-called civilised people will be seen for what they are - descendants of tax evaders!
But I have in my hands - my trembling hands - documents that show that not all is lost. For due to a deep undercover mission of our Secret Intelligence Service or SIS the day is coming when the colonies will be recovered.
These hand written papers from the 1770s show that Benjamin Franklin was actually a British double agent!! "Turned" by the SIS during his stay in London he returned to reek havoc on the revolutionaries, ensuring the ultimate failure of the United States of America.
The master-stroke was the constitution, written in such a way as to ensure there would come a time in which the states would become ungovernable, political processes so stalemated that the government would ultimately run out of money, unable to borrow a dollar more.
And that day approaches! The tour across the pond by the highly popular Will and Kate is part of top secret manoeuvring where by Britain will take over some of the United States of Ameri-can't's debt in return for them ascending to the throne.
But how can Britain afford to do this, you might ask? Indeed, but that's where it gets even cleverer - more tomorrow!!
God Bless the Queen!!
