Book Review: The Pirates! In an adventure with Scientists

Arrrrrrhhh me hearties!!!

Yeh have heard me tell of yon Pirate Captain, arrrahhh! that yeh have! Here he be in print, shiver my timbers, aye, timber, that is where paper comes from, that it does!!

This be the yarn of the Pirate Captain and his adventures with that scurvy crew of his (alas, a little more lime and there'd a few more of 'em left alive, poor souls).

There's be much tales of ham, puking, walking the plank, fair wenches, scientists, sailing the seven seas, wondering what the seven seas are, arrhhh, that there be.

Of course there be high adventure, battling that double crossing son of a gun Black Bellamy and that land lubber, the evil Bishop of Oxford, arrhhh! So listen up good, Jim me lad!

Two cutlasses up for this pieces of eight filled treasure story!!

And ye salty son's of Neptune, remember - if in doubt, do what the Pirate Captain does, and end every conversation with an arrrahh!

Aarrrrrrh!!!!


Picture from: Amazon

Is the "Pirate Captain" William Dampier?

On the Independent web site there's an interesting theory relating to fantastic new movie "The Pirates: an adventures with scientists" (pictured above) which I reviewed here.

This article notes that there was indeed a pirate interested in science, one who wrote books on meteorology and ocean currents, who dined with the likes of Samuel Pepys, visited the Galapagos islands and described many plants and animals in a best selling book.

This polymath was of course the famous buccaneer / pirate / slave trader / travelling / writer / scientist / alleged relative William Dampier.

The dates were very different, as Dampier sailed around the world in the late 17C / early 18th while the film overlaps with Queen Victoria and Charles Darwin, so must be roughly mid 19C - that is, very roughly. This film definitely lives in its own parallel universe.

But there is one thing would worry the Pirate Captain himself, which is the beard issue (or "beard-gate" as no doubt it would be called).

The Pirate Captain was most proud of his beard ("luxurious" he described it) but as can be seen by the picture below that was something that Dampier lacked:

But it doesn't matter: I'm happy to simply have an excuse to say hello again to an old friend.



Picture from: The Independent

Film review: The Pirates! In an adventure with scientists

Aha me hearties, 'tis movie pieces of eight, so it be!!

Talk yea not of the hunger games, compared to this 'tis as dead as a dodo - or Polly as we call her!

Be there grog? I hear someone ask - me think that be O'Docker's croak. Aye, there be grog lad, barrels of it.

Be there wenches? Aye, Tillerman, for I know yon voice, there be the surprisingly curvaceous pirate and Queen Vic as you've never seen yon lass before.

There also be pirates, and the greatest pirate of them all, the PIRATE CAPTAIN!!! Arrrrr!!!!

His crew be a mottling gang, including the pirate with a scarf, Peg Leg (*), and the pirate with gout (ouch) but also a Blue Peter badge, aha!!

Me hearties 'tis entertainment through and through, aye, 'tis so, upon my word.

'Tis also educational as you learn how Mr Charles Darwin came up with his BIG IDEA and why he grew a beard. You also learn the benefits of travelling by airship (you can look down lady's tops).

Aha, 'tis a masterpiece, and starts with an aaaah-awesome example of stern-to mooring, aye, that it does.

Five gold doubloons stars, aha me hearties, yes it be!!!




(*) not this Peg Leg

Piracy doesn't justify SOPA

The acronym of the day is SOPA.

It's legislation being proposed in the US Congress to stop piracy, but while piracy - both real and online - is wrong the provisions in SOPA are unjustified, too broad and way too draconian.

It might come from the US but it could have a serious impact over here too - after all Blogger is owned by Google which is a US company.

More here on why its such a bad idea.

Hostage

I'm sure there were many people saying "great you could be here" at the 2012 London Boat Show, but there were two people for whom that meant a lot more than just politeness.

Above are Paul and Rachel Chandler signing copies of their book Hostage, finally free from their terrible ordeal and safe back in blighty.

I had a brief chat with Rachel about their capture by Somali pirates and the motivation behind the re-arrangements of the VOR leg to Abu Dhabi. It must have been really awful - one of my greatest fears when travelling to Pakistan was kidnapping.

They are already planning their next voyage - to South America. I asked about Venezuela, having had a great time there, but it too has a bit of a piracy problem.

Its truly great that they are free and able to come to the Boat Show and I'm looking forward to reading my copy of their book.

Flemish Coil Google Piracy Shock!

Aha me-hearties, 'tis talk like a pirate day, so it be.

'pon my eyes, what dastardly deed to I see upon yon Google? Aye, 'tis the terror of the seas, Tillerman of the brig Laser, who has captured O'Docker's pride and joy.

What it be, you ask? Ah-ha heave-to and not be putting on t'gallants when there's a gale blowing.

Cast your spyglass on yonder Google images search for flemish coils. Ah, me hearties, we don't do them on a pirate ship, but I digress. 'tis the 2nd highest flemish coil of all and it be O'Docker's picture, aye, that it be. But it be a link to Captain Tillerman's web page!!

'tis piracy! Tillerman has high-jacked O'Docker's picture for his own blog!!

Ah-ha, 'tis enough of yon talk of blogs and Google. Where be the wenches and the grog? Me knows not but must go now or will be forced to walk the plank!

Beware the blogger pirates!!

Oh do keep up

I'm being squeezed time-wise at the moment between work, family chores and the second re-write of that novel so struggling a bit on the blogging front.

However I liked Tillerman's idea to post the best of September and coming up this month we have the Thames Festival then the Great River Race on the 17th,  Talk Like a Pirate Day on the 19th followed on the 25th by World Rivers Day.

That's saying nothing about a writing challenge or a directing challenge which will probably drop off the to do list (sorry).

But not tonight.... its been a very wet and blustery day and the nights are getting noticeably longer.

Buff Staysail Phone Hacking Scandal

It is with a heavy heart that I must report that Buff Staysail has been implicated in the phone hacking scandal, and therefore this blog must issue a clear and unequivocal repudiation of his actions. Ok, say your piece Buff:

G'day all! Buff Staysail here, Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Well I don't know what to say, though my lawyer suggests something on the lines of deep regret, error of judgement bla bla ... but really, don't they know how are it is to make a living nowadays as a hack? - oops, I mean journo. It's not my fault, honest, its just too easy with the latest temporal phone-hack technology.

It's not like its going to harm anyone, is it? Take for example these answer phone messages from some famous sailors and their relatives:

[Penelope]: Hi Pen, its me Odysseus. Guess what - we won! Anyhow me and the boys (background sound of a girl giggling) are heading out to celebrate. I might be a bit late - don't wait up!

[Columbus]. This relates to your travel insurance application. I'm afraid that all travel west of the Canary Islands is explicitly excluded due to clause 34.1: "Sailing near the edge of the world". Please contact us if you still want to proceed.

[Drake]: That wasn't funny. Leave the King's beard alone - no more singeing, ok

[Morgan]: Bad news Captain, the Spanish rang and they want Panama back. Better make sure you leave it as you found it

[Kidd]: Hi Kidd, this is the Pirate's PR Agency. Listen, this is fixable. We've a plan involving the King's mistress and a stage show. Just send a gold bar or two round and we'll get cracking

[Cook]: Trust me Captain, Hawaii on Valentines Day is to die for!

[Nelson]: Hey sweetie its me, Emma (above). What's all this about you and Hardy kissing? Are you going all bi-curious on me? Ring me!

[Sir Thomas Lipton]: Stick to the day job, tea boy!!! (background chants of U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! etc)

Of course I might have missed a few, so please feel free to complete the list.

This is Buff Staysail, over and out when you hear the beep!

Panel finds Blackbeard innocent

Today were published the findings of the official enquiry into the raiding of several ships off Charleston by Blackbeard, which concludes he was totally innocent.

The panel decided that he and his crew were "placed in a situation they were not completely prepared for and had not anticipated" and this led to loss of life.

According to Israel Blackbeard several of the merchant crew terrorists attacked him by reversing onto his sword - not just once but five times. Some even managed this while they were lying on the ground!

While the attacks happened in international waters it was legitimate as Israel Blackbeard was at the time undertaking a "completely legal" blockade of Gaza Charleston. This city - described by the pirates as a hostile territory - had shown its terrorist nature by resisting Blackbeard and crew. "God has told us all the gold in Charleston is ours" one crew member said.

Apparently some in Charleston and surrounding colonies have been seeking independence, a clearly hostile act.

"There has never been a country called the United States of America and there are no such people as the Americans" said pirate spokesperson Ms "Gold" Meir.

The panel did not interview any pirate crew or merchant sailor terrorist, instead basing its finding on the statements by Blackbeard.

Despite that it rejected calls from international lawyers that there was "clear evidence to support prosecutions" against Israel Blackbeard for "wilful killing" and torture committed when its sailors stormed the ships.

"We conclude by saying that these critics of Blackbeard are clearly biased against pirates" said a spokesperson, a Mr "White" Wash.

A Buff Christmas Carol

G'day all, Buff Staysail here - Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Yours truly has got a ripper of a story to tell: Buff's been visited by the 2010 ghosts of Bloggers Past, Present and Future!! No doubt they heard all that Bah Humbugs that JP was posting earlier this month!

And these three wraiths have shaken me to my core as they took me on a whirlwind tour of Buff's past, present and future.

The first took me back to the days of the pirates, when Buccaneer Buff went searching for Execution Dock along the dark streets of London.

The second took me to the present, and the creation of a new Phonetic Alphabet by Britney U2 Facebook Facebook (gedditt!!)

Finally the third took me into the future, and Buff Junior's post on the 2028 America's Cup: it was a shock to hear of my own death. Strewth, I'm a trembling still.

 For once ol' Buff is lost for words, so what can I say but:

"I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world! Hallo here! Whoop! Hallo!"

The Trouble with Pirates

There's an interesting program on the BBC's iPlayer called "The Trouble with Pirates" - you should be able to get it by clicking here (but quickly, it runs out soon).

It tells the story of the pirates from many angles: the sailors they captured, the boat owners, the negotiators - in London and onsite, the navies sent against them and the pirates themselves. 

The irony is that the roots of the problem were caused by the actions of the West. The program notes how the first pirates were the fishermen, driven from their legal trade by factory ships from overseas and dumping of toxic waste. 

What the program didn't cover was what caused this: the West's decision to actively encourage Kenya to invade and attack the governing body, the Islamic Courts Union. The Bush's administrations hostility to the the I-word was to have an unexpected blow-back, with chaos spreading from the land out into the waters.

And there are an awful lot of waters to patrol. The Somali coastline is about the length of the USA's eastern seaboard and the pirates strike many hundreds of miles out to sea.

The "trade" has brought in millions upon millions of dollars. Those who do not participate suffer as inflation drives up the cost of essentials like rice and fish. Pirate enterprises are floated on a "stock market" so that communities can participate in the risk and gain some of the reward.

Two stories in particular were highlighted: the Lemacon's on the French yacht the Tanit and the British Chandlers.

Controversially the Tanit was stormed by French commando's and the skipper Florent Lemacon was killed in front of his wife and son. Ironically the only westerner killed so far was shot not by Somalis but by his own countrymen.

The news about the Chandlers is of course welcome but a long term solution is no closer.

Only by bringing some sort of order to the land can the pirates be tamed, and yet the provisional government is badly funded and peace will likely require some form of involvement of the ICU.

This won't be the last documentary about Somai pirates - though it is a good one, worth catching.

Pirates on the Thames!

Am I being followed by Johnny Depp?

In August I go sailing in Cornwall and what do they say but Johnny Depp is in the county filming the next in the series of "The Pirates of the Caribbean".

Then I go across to east London looking for pirate's ending place and tidal stories (to be posted when get time) and what do I discover? He's in Greenwich again for filming and the next instalment of the series is called "On Stranger Tides" - co-incidence?

Then I head home and what do I learn? Johnny Depp is commuting up the river to west London!!

Ok, he's actually going by boat to the Battersea heliport to fly away to his house in the south of France, but still, that's pretty close!!

It's a message! - either that, or the stress of the last four weeks overwork has finally pushed me over the limit and I should now go and lie down in a dark room.

Yes, on reflection its probably the latter..... I better go now.

Execution Dock

Ahoy there, Buccaneer Buff here, or at least me spirit, that be.

Me hear many a pirate talking 'pon this day, namely the 19th of September, and it brings me back to find my way to 'ol Execution Dock. Many a fine pirate has taken his last voyage upon these Thames shore lines, aye, me shipmates and me, 'tis hard indeed.

But where is the spot our bodies were hung 'til three tides had washed away our lives? Where is said Execution Dock?

Well here be a map, like a treasure map but not of gold, rather death!

Aye, in Wapping be found. So I makes me way, wooden leg an' all, down those cobbled streets, searching for me last resting place in 'tis sorry world. Arr!

Shiver my timbers what should I find at t'spot indicated but one of the enemies of the pirates:

Blow me down, I'd rather share me hammock with a bilge rat!

All of a quiver I made me way down Wapping High Street 'til found myself in a pub of the name of The Town of Ramsgate. Ar, this is more like says I, wenches and grog.

Truth be told no one knows for sure where be Execution Dock, but, says I, this be a fair resting place.

At t'back there be these steps, all slimy, smelling of mud and green with weed - what a beauty says I. So I walk down those fair stairs till the muddy waters of the river Thames closed over me head.

Arr! 'Tis sweet to be home.

Piracy and Israel

I'm just back from my "Wind in the Willows" experience up the Thames, and have a stack of posts mentally drafted including Why lambs are navigational hazards.

However what did I read in my bunk on my iPad but a brutal example of piracy (or alternatively an act of war (*)) in the Mediterranean. A humanitarian mission taking supplies to a population suffering from a medieval style siege (clearly an act of collective punishment - and punishment for the results of free and fair elections) is attacked in international waters, leading to the death of several civilians.

I really wonder where the line beyond is which Israel has to go in order not to get unquestioning support from leaders in the west, in particular from the US Senate and Congress though also some over here in Europe to a lesser degree.

Again: this was a humanitarian mission in international waters.

Latest updates here from Al Jazeera which is continuing to show its strength at covering international issues.

(*) Updated: analysis of legal status here.

Somali Pirates - in London!

Oh no! The long arm of the Somali pirate has reached all the way to London, where an intelligence team armed with a satellite phone is reportedly sending information to the "business" end over in the Indian Ocean.

What ever happened to that chap, what's his name - ah yes, Bond, James Bond? This would be just the thing for him.

Piracy or Blockade?

So you're a terror of the seas, heading out onto the ocean seeking adventure, barrel loads of gold coins and for your pockets to be heavy with pieces of eight, but don't know how? Well what you want is a trusted source such as this blog to give a bit of career advice.

Obviously the first bit of advice is to mend your wicked ways and retire to an honest life of toil on land, but if that very sensible and true words of wisdom somehow do not hit the spot, read on.

Today we received an email from a Mr. L. J. Silver who asks "Should I follow my current career of piracy or change to the blockading line of business?"

Well Mr. L. J. Silver, that is a good question and we must analyse it properly, looking at it from the angles of reward, working conditions, and fringe benefits.

1. Rewards

Recent research has indicated that the rewards of piracy can indeed be good. If you look at this report here you will see that Somali pirates are currently getting between $1 and $3 million a go - not a bad hawl for a an old sea cook like yourself!

However don't be hasty in your decision, as this report here shows that blockading can be profitable too - this report shows how French fisherman won themselves even more than that - a whopping 4 million Euros!

With the current exchange rates that's over $5million - so its round one to blockading.

2. Working Conditions

It must be admitted that working conditions as a pirate off Somalia have not been that good recently with increasing naval activity from countries such as France, Britain, and the United States. Indeed several pirates have lost their lives due to rescue operations from France and the US in recent days.

However the blockaders have been left alone to do their business and are able to go home to sleep in their own beds in the evening, possibly dropping in for a vin rouge on the way. And the Government rather than fighting invites you in for talks with unlimited coffee and buscuits!

Round two to blockading.

3. Fringe benefits

This is where piracy strikes back: recent studies as reported by JP showed that its rewards includes some that mere blockading can not bring. Says this Somali of the pirates: "They wed the most beautiful girls; they are building big houses; they have new cars; new guns"

Alas French fishermen at this point look downcast and agree they can not counter this argument. Round 3 to the yo ho ho brigade.

Summary

Well Mr L. J. Silver, I hope this detailed analysis has been helpful.

Our research has shown that blockading brings greater rewards and better working conditions, though lower fringe benefits.

It might well be that a change of career could be in order!

France and the freedom of the seas

The freedom to travel the high seas unhindered is one of the cornerstones of the maritime industry, commercial and leisure. The recent rise in piracy off Somalia has prompted France to send a warship and use force to free a captured yacht, accepting with determination and sorrow the high price involved.

Alas any form of prompt and determined action is apparently not feasible closer to home. French fishermen have blockaded several French ports and refusing to allow ships to travel to or from the UK. This is seriously damaging trade, with the M20 motorway in Kent now little more than a parking lot for trucks.

I'm seriously at a loss to understand why these fishermen aren't just moved off. They are breaking the law, inconveniencing many, causing financial hardships at the worst possible time, and to do all this so that they can continue to over-fish?

Stock in these waters are approaching critical levels, and we have seen in the disaster of the Newfoundland cod banks how the destruction of through over fishing can be near complete.

What's more they already get subsidies (i.e. my taxes) and the majority of illegal fishing incidents involved French fishing boats.

Thankfully we have a tunnel that isn't affected by this blackmail, but enough is enough, time to stop the blockade, and not by just giving greater subsidies.

No more drunken sailors

Apparently there's a book of nursery rhymes been released but they've changed to words from "What shall we do to the drunken sailor" to "What shall we do with the grumpy pirate".

Got to say that seems a bit odd to me - being a pirate, robbing boats, terrorising the sea is ok, but drinking is a no no.

And what happened to the Captain's Daughter?

Hmmm...

Pirates, oil, and the waste of the West

By now you might well have seen this photo of an air drop of $3 million dollars being paid in return for the Saudi super tanker full of oil - full story at the BBC here.

Piracy does pay then, even in the modern world. Given the sorry state of the boating industry that must rub salt in the open wounds of those trying to flog their wares honestly at the London Boat Show that has just started. As this article describes, the yacht manufacturers and laying off staff and working shorter weeks - an all too familiar story in these days.

But there is also an interesting alternative angle to the Somali piracy problem - namely us. According to this article (which haven't had a chance to cross check from other sources), we the west are part of the problem, and not just by interfering and undermining any attempt at central government.

We are dumping our waste - including nuclear waste such as heavy metals used in hospitals - and in return hoovering up the fish. As the article puts it "This is the context in which the "pirates" have emerged. Somalian fishermen took speedboats to try to dissuade the dumpers and trawlers, or at least levy a "tax" on them".

As the saying goes, you reap what you sow.

Dinner is served

When Tillerman announced this month's group writing project was "Guess who's coming for dinner", to select the one sailing-related guest you would invite to a dinner party, for me there was only one choice.

It wasn't that it was allegedly my great-to-the-n-th uncle, he is also a real legend, but a legend about whom as an individual there would be so much more to learn.

We know he was the first person to sail twice round the world, and then topped that by doing it a third time. And that was in late 17th and early 18th century, the days of real sailing - square rigged, oak and tar, scurvy and rats.

There were no grib files to forecast the weather - it was unknown all the way round. But he was a pioneer that helped change that. He wrote the book on oceanic weather systems - literally in this case, the "Discourse on Trade Winds" that was used by the British Navy for two hundred years and read by Captain Cook on his explorations years later.

He wrote many other books, including his "A New Voyage around the World" which was again literally a best seller, making him a celebrity of London. He dinned with Samual Pepys and knew the world of restoration England, again a time I'd love to hear about.

I'd like to hear more about his life - how he met his little mentioned wife, why he left her for so long, of the friendships and romances he had on his journeys.

And also he must be a source of endless stories. Of his piracy days and the pirates he knew. Of sailing adventures across the Atlantic to Africa, around the Horn, across the Pacific, the far East, landing on Australia (the first Englishman to do so), to India (where he was in charge of the guns at a fort) and on to Cape Town. Of how he was part of the expedition that marooned Selkirk on the one of the Juan Fernandez islands and also on the one that picked him up, and how that led to the story of Robinson Crusoe.

Pirate, buccaneer, slave trader, Naval Captain, navigator, writer, explorer, scientist, hydrographer, husband, friend, and much much more.

I'd like to hear about all of those, and fill in the gaps he left out in his published books.

I'd open my door and welcome him in, that old sailor, William Dampier.